I am feeling something bad. It is lurking inside me; in fact it's been there for quite some time.
This uncertain feeling, it becomes overpowering sometimes, but it is okay. I can subdue it for now.
Tick-tock- tick-tock
Oh, it is coming again, this time with more power. My stomach feels quite unpleasant.
My chest, it’s feeling heavy. I cannot quite put a finger on this feeling but I am getting distracted by it now.
Tick-tock-tick-tock
My mind is now filled by these unpleasant thoughts. I cannot stop it now, no matter how much I try. My breathing becomes faster, I cannot focus on any of my work. I am rubbing my chest; my headache is becoming worse as well. My chest hurts, I feel something bitter in my stomach as well. It is like someone is strangling me, taking away all my power to control myself. Someone is saying something but I am snapping at them. Leave me alone, I say. Not to the one who is speaking but to someone who is in there, inside my mind. My eyes start watering leaving me with this feeling of hopelessness. What to do? Where should I go? Why is it happening?
Seems quite familiar? For some, maybe not to this extent but for some, maybe even worse than this. But we can all quite agree that we have faced these feelings somewhere out there, whether it's before an important event or maybe because of some specific thing that happened to trigger us only. We describe this situation by many names like breakdown, anxiety, hyperventilation etc. Well, this scenario is just one of the many examples of how these inner voices affect us in our daily life.
Do we ever question what are these voices inside our head that become so overwhelming to the point , they leave us broken to this extent?
We describe these voices as inner demons. They are not actual beings living inside our mind but the very fabrication of our negative thoughts who bully us at different points of life. They are cynical in nature and pinpoint all the things that can go wrong when we are taking step in any direction of life. They are blind to positive aspects and just find worse in everyone and everything. Sometimes, they can become our own worst enemy.
Ever tried something new? This voice always whispers, it's not worth it , you are not good enough, what’s the use? It's not meant for you? You do not have it in you to complete it.
Ever listened to someone’s rant and felt insanely jealous, this voice whispers, what if it had been you ? It must have been so good to be in that person’s shoes.
Ever been rejected and felt this strong urge to give up wholly because it always happens to you? You gave so much effort yet it did not work out? This bitter feeling takes over you and you start to pity your own situation.
Ever felt like not doing anything? This strong laziness takes over you and keeps you in a haze that it’s not worth your time and efforts.
Ever lay in your bed at night and over analyse everything that happened to you that day and just when you want to sleep, these nagging voices don’t let you relax? In fact, their volume becomes so deafening when the lights are out that sometimes even silence becomes your enemy .
There are infinite situations we come across and encounter in our life when these inner demons start guiding us and misleading us to believe that everything around us sucks and we are just a victim in these situations. They take shape in many forms such as fear of failure, shame, jealousy, self-criticism, anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, self-critique etc. They all have the same effect on us if we listen to them,i.e., they shut down our logical decision making side and we end up doing something that we most probably regret later when the darkness caused by these inner demons clears up. We even start to realise later that what we felt at the pinnacle of these emotions was simply our reaction to bad situations, not something ground shattering.
The question arises, if it is common, happens daily, is it something worth stressing over?
The answer will depend on whether it affects our productivity or not. If we let it dominate our every single waking thought and give in to their urges by making poor decisions. If we let these inner demons affect us so much to the point where we are not able to carry out even a single normal task and it's taking up all our energy into overthinking, if it drives us to do extreme things and is continuing to drain us both physically and mentally. If the answer to some or all of the above is yes then we need to seriously analyse these demons.
What can we do to keep our inner demons in control?
The truth is we cannot entirely get rid of these negative thoughts just because we want to, it is a part of our being and it helps in our survival mechanism. There is no straightjacket solution to get rid of inner demons permanently. This is where knowledge comes into play. Knowledge makes us powerful; this fact applies here as well. I am not talking about outer knowledge but the inner one i.e., Self-reflection and Self Discovery. Adopting meditation and spirituality is the key to get to know ourselves better and keep our inner demons at bay as a long term solution.
Immediate action to handle these inner voices would be that whenever they onslaught our mind, instead of getting lost in its fog, we should try to clear up our mind by thinking and doing something pleasant, maybe going for a walk or just sitting somewhere in silence. We should just observe our emotions for some time and not react immediately. This way it helps us to process our thought patterns and find out the cause of feeling that emotion. Acknowledging the root cause is the first step to recovery as it makes us conscious about our whole being. Ignoring and oppressing these voices may make them go away for a while but it will further create more issues for ourselves in the future and that too at a greater intensity. We can also take a step further by thinking logically about whether what we are worrying about can be solved or if it is us being worried about uncertainty.
Take baby steps if it is controllable and just have faith in yourself if the problem is not something controllable. Sometimes, the best solution is to give your best and let go. Instead of wasting our energy on worrying about something intangible, it's better to move forward in life without expectations. This way we can live our fullest in the present and be free of shackles that keep us trapped inside our own mind.
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